In a previous blog post, I stated that I really dislike the whole “be positive” movement and a few people responded in awe asking me, “isn’t that what you teach?” These people have obviously never taken my class when I say, “If something bad happens to your friend and they’re reaching out to you and you respond with ‘just think positive’ I give that friend permission to slap you.”
Needless to say, you should not be an energy-sucking, negative bitch, but does that mean you should ignore the lower and heavier emotions? Of course not! We are here to have a human experience and that means exploring various emotions. Feel anger. Feel sadness. Feel jealousy. But don’t be defined by those lower emotions. Don't let that shit control you. Feel the sensations to understand them - to rise above them and learn from them. So, if you get angry, embrace that emotion. Understand why you’re feeling it, but don’t attach yourself to that anger. Emotions come to teach you. Be someone who knows what it’s like to be angry and one who knows how to rise above it. Use that knowledge to understand why others are angry. But, don’t become an angry bitch.
I know when someone pisses me off, I will repeat the conversation 100 times in my head. I will add a few things that I should have said (which pisses me off even more, because I didn’t say it) and I will add a few things from the past that will legitimize my anger. I will feel that anger in my body and it does not feel good, yet, somehow, it’s like a burning fire I can’t take my eyes off of. I hang on tight to it, almost nurture the anger with the amount of time I grant it. I am consumed by the feeling.
So, Yeah, I feel justified! It feels right in those moments to be taken in by the force of my anger. And God forbid someone tells me to “calm down” – oh that MFer is going to get burned. I think it should be taught in kindergarten that telling an angry woman to calm down should never be attempted… you’re taking your life in your hands.
But this is where self- awareness should take over. I notice how much time and effort this anger is costing me. It depletes me of my power. Anger shuts down your heart, blocks you from receiving any Light and cuts you off from the Divine. If I am angry for more than a day or two, I start figuring out ways to extinguish that fire, because it is not serving me or the people around me. The lower emotions change who I really am.
First, I try and figure out what exactly is pissing me off. Why was I triggered? Anger also likes to hold hands with other heavy emotions…was it frustration that caused the anger? Was it betrayal? Jealousy? Dishonesty? Or has someone simply pressed my buttons?
The next step in the process is to look at the karmic reasons for this anger…ask yourself, “How have I said or done something similar to others that may have made them angry?” So, in other words, I figure out how I may have pissed someone else off in a similar way. You cannot see anything outside yourself that does not exist within you. We are so quick to criticize others for that which we are doing ourselves. Remember, karma is our most potent teacher.
The last step is forgiveness. Most people aren’t intentionally trying to make you angry. I know it may seem that way, but trust me, most people are walking around totally unconscious of the energy/words they’re emitting. And remember – their words and thoughts are a reflection of who they are; not who you are…
So the next time you're talking to your friend who's feeling heavy, don't offer positive advice, simply hold a safe space for them to vent, and then help lead them to a better understanding of why they're angry